10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support.

1) "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

2) "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

3) "So -- what are you wearing?"

4) "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

5) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

6) "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

7) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

8) "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

9) "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

10) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

(Bonus) "Please hold for a Microsoft attorney."